Interesting title. I sort of like it. I promise, it will all eventually make sense.
All is fine here...work is good, busy...which is always good. I am settling into my new job, as evidenced by the fact that I can now stay wake past 7 30. Dogs are good, Chelsie is doing awesome in agility, Ace is well, Ace...he needs lots of reminding about everything and is sometimes off the wall. Case in point...today, while I was putting my make up on (on the bed) he started licking my sweater and getting into my make up. I pushed him over on his back for a belly rub and when I was done, he jumped off the bed and tried to eat his sister...who has stitches in her ear from getting a wart/growth removed. UGH. That was just a small part of our day. Son, you killed me today.
On to the title of the post. The time of year is obvious...the holidays...not to mention the dreaded birthday along with it. The time of year where being single is absoloutely HIDEOUS - and a double whammy at that, with Christmas and my birthday right on top of each other. I so want to just hunker down and completely avoid the very thought of Christmas, however, that is impossible. I keep telling myself that next year will be different, I will be celebrating with someone special...however, that never seems to be the case.
Most of the time, I am comfortable with who I am and where I am...sometimes, I am not. Most days, I can handle it...some days require more effort to get through than others. What I find to be the most exhausting is being my own cheerleader. True, we all have to be our own cheerleader to some degree, but being your own cheerleader all the time is emotionally exhausting.
So...here we go...stranger danger. Today, I decided I needed to go shopping. My goal with shopping was to find a pair of brown boots. I see people wearing them all the time..they look great. I have this vision in mind of what I want them to look like on me. I wear the pants that intend to wear with these adorable brown boots, and off I go...to find these boots that will look great and make me feel good about myself.
First stop...Macy's. I was in there the other night, saw some really great options. Didn't have time to do much trying on, but there was definitely potential. Now, I am a girl who has been schooled by Clinton and Stacy on What Not to Wear...I know you have to try on 50 things to find three great things. Today, I tried on about 10 pairs of brown boots...and wanted to try on about 10 more pairs...however, when you wear size 10 narrow and have calf muscles, your selection of boots is limited. Long story short, I did not find the boots I was looking for. To make matters worse, it seemed like every woman I saw in the mall had on GREAT BROWN BOOTS...and looked great in the out fit they were wearing. I even saw some little tweeny bopper that had the look I envisioned in my head. Feeling very deflated at this point.
So...off I go...wandering around...feeling deflated about the boots...and watching all these couples/families out Christmas shopping. Insert feeling like a million bucks. But I press on...just looking around to see if any item of clothing speaks to me...and none do. Off I go to meet Belinda and the kids...took kids to play area and then off to food court for dinner.
In a conversation at dinner, I relay to Belinda my sob story about how every other woman out there has these adorable boots...even the tweeny bopper...and how they all look fantastic in them and that even if I found them, I would never look as good as some other women I had seen...you know, the size zero and twiggy ones. What we concluded from this conversation was how unhealthy it was to compare ourselves to other people...that we see only our shortcomings and not our good qualities.
I repeatedly find myself in the same situation when it comes to my relationship status...I compare myself to other people...people I know and people I don't know. This does nothing but seed negative feelings. It is not helpful...yet it is a behavior I often find myself trying to correct. Things are not always what they appear to be and the grass is not always greener on the other side. My perceptions of other people's lives may not be reality, rather the reality I have created in my head...and that is the reality that often starts the negative feelings about myself when it comes to being single.
The stranger danger for me this time of year is comparing myself to those cute little families who seem to have it all...when really, that may not be the case. I am certainly envious, there is no question of that. But I can't help wanting to be one of those cute little families. And some days, it is harder to remain positive than others. This year, I forced myself to participate in the holidays. I put up and tree and decorations on the inside and even dragged several of my outside decorations. Its a lot of effort for just one person, but I am very, very glad I did it.
This year, I will be thankful for my family, my health, my job, a roof on my head and food on my table. For my two furrry companions who love me unconditionally every day. For my friends. For agility. For soccer. For the ability to be able to push myself in the gym....the list could go on and on. I will celebrate with family and hopefully start some new traditions. I will wish for what I think I want, but be greatful for what I have. For me, stranger danger is allowing myself to want what I think others have and then feel inadequate or like there is something wrong with me because I don't have it.
Thankfully, most days, I can overcome my stranger danger. But for all of you out there, hug your partner tonight and tell them you appreciate them. While they probably have annoyed the hell out of you at some point today, be thankful that you have found your partner to journey through life with, and celebrate that partnership this holiday season. Don't let your perceptions of my so-called "freedom" become your strager danger.
