Above phrase patented by Jodi Tucker.
And an accurate phrase it is. On Tuesday morning, after a nice 4 day weekend, I walked into what I thought was a career discussion meeting with our department vice president. He had a whole other agenda; his words were simple, direct and devastating:
"As you know, there have been some cuts, and your job has been eliminated".
I cannot begin to accurately describe my feelings over the past few days. What I can tell you is that there has been an extensive amount of research done on this topic - and it was all research done well. I have read through all the pamphlets they gave me about dealing with job loss, layoffs, and all the related feelings that come with it. I have experienced many of them over the past few days, including but not limited to:
- Anger, humiliation, betrayal
- Stress, headache, stomach ache
- Sleepless night, lack of focus
Tuesday was very emotional, today I am very tired. My neck and shoulder had been acting up before yesterday's turn of events, so I went and saw my doctor today to get something to ease that, and help get some consistent sleep. I went out and got some fresh air on a walk with my baby angel and by riding my bike. Chelsie was quite the snuggler yesterday when her mom needed it...and returned to being her normal self this evening when she ate the leftovers of my dinner while I was in Target getting my prescription filled. (I had gone out to dinner)
I would be dishonest if I said I was not looking, however, until you have this happen to you, it is not something that really can be explained. Everyone I have told has had the same reaction - Are you serious? I chuckle to myself and wait to hear the question. On a positive note, I have one interview set up for next week, and hopefully will have another set up after tomorrow. My recruiter has been fantastic and had made a lot of contacts on my behalf.
I am incredibly lucky in all of this to have top notch support from family and friends. I spent the past 20 minutes on the phone with the CFO of one of the businesses I work with - her business is being merged with a segment in San Diego, and she is not willing to relocate until her kids are out of HS, so she is in the same boat as I am. Many of my coworkers have emailed me to make sure I was OK, my cousins have called me, my labor lawyer friend has agreed to look at my termination agreement, I am having drinks with a couple of friends tomorrow...I finally told my parents this afternoon, and feel so much better. My mom was on her way back from Cali yesterday and I did not want to drop it on her before she got on a plane, and quite honestly, I was not emotionally ready yesterday. Of course, they were upset for me - wanted to know if they should come up and take me to dinner. God love them. :) I am very, very lucky to have them here - this would be so much worse if they weren't.
At 9:30 yesterday morning, when it was all done and I was beginning this process, I noted to myself this would be a period of tremendous personal growth, and that journey is just beginning. Again, I cannot describe all the feelings that come with this, but I am trying to feel and accept each one for what it is, deal with it and move on. I am sure I will land on my feet, but the interim period is very stressful.
Thank you to everyone for their support.